I'm not F***ing doing this

I have been following a recent thread on TJ Online, regarding disruptive participants.

I have recently been working on a rather large contract for a public sector client, rolling out a "Building Good Relations" programme, across 450 frontline team members.

The workshop was a two-day participative programme, jam-packed with games and activities, designed to deliver real learning but as a fun and enjoyable experience.

99% of the participants raved at the end of the two days and myself and co-facilitator regularly recieved personal thank you cards, emails and even flowers on a couple of occasions.

However one workshop will remain with us forever.

The participants arrived on day one, not really wanting to be there, not sure what was ahead and thinking this is yet another customer care programme.

On the morning in question, our group of participants all arrived, rather subdued as per norm, however by morning break, we had got everybody on board except one participant. The body language was defintely saying, you will not break me, I will go along with it for the moment but.....

All was well until, immediately after lunch, we asked everyone to get into pairs, for a communications activity. My colleague duly gave out the instructions and invited the participants to begin.

Suddenly a voice shouted out, I'm not f***ing doing this!

The room fell into silence as everyone looked at the offending participant and then at my collegaue and myself.

Now what? We had to be very careful how we dealt with this or we could loose the trust and respect of the rest of the group, we could loose the contract and worst of all we could let ourselves down in the way in which we handled it.

My colleague who was stood at the side of the participant quickly got into an adult mode of thinking and responded with,

I understand that you are under a lot of pressure,

I feel offended by your behaviour,

I want you to meet me at lunchtime for a coffee to have a chat.

The participant suddenly realised what she had done, and hung her head in shame. A very genuine apology followed and that was the turning point. From then on in she participated in everything we did.

Now my colleague's knee jerk reaction was "How dare she, speak to me like that" but if she had allowed that thought to continue her resonse would have come across in quite an agressive manner which would only have escalated the situation.

But, instead, my colleague, quickly got her head into a more appropraite mode of assertiveness ( adult behaviour) by thinking to herself " I have the right to be respected. Which is step one of the three steps to assertiveness model.
Think Right
Say Right
Behave Right

If you would,like to know more about the assertiveness model could help you or your colleagues, handle those difficult and challenging behaviours, email: michelle@jigsawatwork.com